Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it invisible. Are these women attending your church retreats? Many of them are suffering silently, depressed, isolated, and feeling very alone. Others are some of the wisest, calming, most spiritually beautiful women who will touch attendees at your retreat in ways no planned speaker can. But are any of them coming?

Rest Ministries, which is the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, recently did a survey about attending retreats while living with a chronic illness. Out of the 20 respondents, 17 reported that they participated less in retreats since their diagnosis. When asked why the responses were:

Three explained, “Accessibility issues (It’s difficult to get to and from buildings at the retreat)”; 6 people responded, “The pain factor. It’s just too draining”; 4 shared, “The unpredictable health issues”; and 10 said, “A combination of the above.”

So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?

1. When planning the retreat ask a lot of questions about the retreat center and promote that you have this information before people register

For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transportation? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, “I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest.” Those with chronic illness typically look for retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good options. While it’s easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a “short walking distance,” fifty steps may be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don’t just write “Rooms are a short walking distance from the main building.”

2. Understand that women desire to go on retreats and socialize with others, but they must feel that the retreat planner understands that they will be on their own schedule

Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, “I don’t attend because people don’t want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the ‘retreat.’ I may have to go to my room to get some rest. Others decide that I’m escaping from my problems, and they demand that I participate in whatever is happening. I’m not wishing to be anti-social and I will participate when God enables me to do so. But when God tells me to rest, I must rest, despite what the [retreat] ‘timetable’ states.” A schedule of the retreat’s events a week before can be extremely helpful, even if it’s just posted on your church’s web site.

3. When planning events such as ice breakers or fun games, remember to have something for those with physical limitations to participate in if they wish

If they don’t want to participate in the relay race of dressing in costumes, let them do their own thing. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome says, “Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find a retreat planner who understands that I do not participate–not because I’m being uncooperative, shy or anti-social–but because I simply cannot physically do so; the result is that I don’t attend church retreats.”

4. Don’t gasp when you see all the stuff she has packed

All women have necessities they pack to make their weekend more comfortable. For the chronically ill these typically include: their own bedding, chair cushions, pillows, snacks, pain patches, eye shades to sleep, or a flashlight and book to read in case she is awake all night. They may bring bottled water, the biggest collection of medication you’ve ever seen (don’t comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she should ask you about before the event.)

5. Though you have good intentions with your suggestions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she’s trying to plan for her best experience

For example, riding a bus to the retreat may throw her back out for the entire weekend, so if she asks if she can ride in a car with a staff member, this may be an easy modification. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don’t take it personally; she may need some quiet time to rejuvenate so she can socialize that evening. She may need to eat small, frequent meals and snacks if she is diabetic. Don’t say, “We’re going to be eating and thirty minutes so please wait to eat with everyone else.”

6. Take her requests in stride without thinking she is being a prima donna

She may be insisting that she have the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress, but it’s not because she is the Princess and the Pea. She may have some needs that are medical requirements. For example, electricity in her room is necessary if she uses something like a CCAP machine for sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2 used this). Her medications may also need to be refrigerated and an ice pack won’t do the job, so she may need access to the retreat center kitchen or a staff member. Sheryl, who lives with chronic myofascial pain says, “Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can’t stand more than a couple of minutes.” You may not see a cane or walker, but her feet, knees or balance may not be able to take more than a couple of minutes standing.

7. Realize that she may not want others to know about her illness

Marjorie says, “When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a problem.” Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. “Don’t single me out!”

8. Have scholarships available

Financial constraints often hold many women with illness back from attending. Let them know costs may be covered.

9. Delegate someone to oversee the necessities of your chronically ill attendees

The best person to choose may be your “healthiest” volunteer who has a chronic illness yourself, or a cancer survivor. This person would communicate with those who are attending and do the best they can to meet their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the Rest Ministries’ survey still attend church retreats and typically approach the planner of the retreat before the event and discussed their health issues. But dozens of others who would like to attend simply assume that the church is unable to accommodate their needs, and they never ask if they might attend. Try to reach out to the women who assume they are unable to go. One way may be by putting a special line on your promotional flyer that says, “Do you live with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We would love to see you there!”

One of the most overlooked gifts in our church are those who live with chronic illness or pain. Despite their daily suffering, they have a great deal of wisdom and joy for the Lord. National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is September 8-14, and is sponsored by Rest Ministries. It’s a wonderful opportunity to look at your ministry’s priorities. Who is not being served who could use your encouragement? And who lives with an illness and is missing out on serving others because they are not connected to the church? Get them involved! One day, one of them may be your retreat speaker.

Popularity: 1% [?]