As I type this my 4-year-old son is sitting beside me. He has a cold and a slight fever, but all he has said today since he woke up six hour ago is “I’m better now. I’m all better.” How much can our attitude change how we cope with a chronic illness and even make us happy?

Everyone deals with the difficulties in their lives in variety of ways. People diagnosed with a chronic illness may put on a happy face and intentionally decide they will use this as an opportunity, doing their best to overcome any limitations it brings. Other people will drive home from the physician’s office worried about how much longer they will be able to drive because of the depth of the pain. They’ll lie down on the couch and rarely leave it for years. Why is it that some people thrive even though they have a chronic illness and other people simply survive, even using it as an excuse for anything that goes wrong in their life?

People who live with an illness and still radiate happiness and joyfulness for life have some things in common. None of us cope with our illness perfectly, so even if we tend to deal with it well, there is likely a tip below that we could use to improve our outlook on life.

Here are a few things I’ve discovered:

[1] They have hope. Research has proven that hope can increase the speed at which people recover from surgery. Hope is vital and necessary to find contentment despite our circumstances. For example, the 2006 theme of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week was “My illness is invisible but my hope shines through.” I couldn’t say it better.

[2] They carry on and keep going no matter what with a persevering attitude. Living with constant chronic pain is very tiring! Emotionally, physically, and spiritually, chronic pain can quickly deplete our strength and spirit. Our good health is one of the main things our society counts on to help us reach our dreams, even referring to the saying, “At least you have your health!” But when you live with unending chronic pain and still are able to find happiness, part of the reason is because–though you adapt our dreams-you still have them. At times, these new purposes can be more exhausting than the original ones, but passion can produce a lot of adrenaline.

[3] They are good advocates when it comes to their health. Paul J. Donoghue and Mary E. Siegel, authors of “Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired,” write “Getting this help in a consistently satisfying manner is as essential as it is challenging. You will need perseverance, courage and skill. You will need to understand your needs and be committed to getting them” (p. 160). People who feel like they are part of the decision making process regarding their care and treatment, and who actively seek out doctors who partner with them, are more happy than those who feel out of control. For example, it’s important to have a medical team that will understand your desire to have children, and will give you the best treatment if you decide to go forward with this, rather than punish you by giving you poor care.

[4] They don’t play the victim role. They say “Why not me?” rather than “Why me?” To form this attitude can take time if it doesn’t come naturally. But by being involved with organizations that serve people who are ill, have cancer, or who have left abusive homes–whatever your passions are–you will begin to understand that this world is not perfect. When things are going right in their lives, they recognize it as a blessing, not a right.

[5] They have a strong foundation of who they are, shielding them from taking things too personally. Having a strong faith can make this much easier because one understands that her value and worth as a person doesn’t depend on what she can accomplish with her physical strength. She learns what she is responsible for (like an attitude) and not (like an infection that keeps returning). This can help avoid having unnecessary guilt for things out of her control.

[6] They communicate adeptly. Being able to talk with others, explain your feelings, learning to listen effectively, and watching your words carefully, can help you avoid a lot of troubles. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and arguments can affect your whole life and your body’s capacity to cope with an illness. One must learn to manage bitterness and focus on healthy relationships. Happy people with illness are good at understanding when to talk about their illness and how much to share about their personal lives.

[7] They legitimately care about other people. Though no one wants to attend the “university of chronic illness” for their education, people who are happy allow their experiences to be a gift of knowledge. They can share successes and struggles with others. They are able to utilize their experiences as a way to help a friend or become a mentor. One secret of finding true happiness is to look outside of ourselves and reach out to other people.

J.K. Rowling, author, once said, “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” This quote is perhaps one of the most wonderful examples of a good attitude for those with chronic illness.

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